Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Surely all Warcraft players are straight.

Actually...no. The Bureau of Made Up Statistics recently published a study showing that an alarming percentage of players (roughly 0.5%) of the popular MMO, World of Warcraft, are in fact gay. After further study it was shown that a vast majority of the 0.5% were either trade trolls, gold farmers, or simply n00bs. By my calculations that leaves about 100 of us that are good old club hopping, designer clothes wearing, dick sucking, high income earning fags that also happen to play this game "for serious" in hardcore raiding guilds. We're here, we're queer, and we want better gear. It is my hope to get in contact with you queens of Azeroth to share ideas on how to make your raid and general gaming experience more enjoyable. Whether it be through horribly inappropriate sexual innuendo or even a well timed usage of "fgt" in guild chat, the possibilities are next to endless.

That sick burn I threw down there would not be possible, or even funny for that matter, if my guildies didn't know I was gay. For you silly fuckers that are still in the closet (irl or in game) I also hope to be able to convince you to come on out. I'm not gonna try to lay some line of crap on you like, "It's an important step in your acceptance process." or any of that garbage. I've simply found the game, and raiding in particular, infinitely more fun since coming out to my guildies about a year and a half ago.

For some unknown reason I have absolutely no artistic talent whatsoever. It is for this reason that everything on this blog other than the words (colors, layout, general design choices) will be handled by my trusty e-Hag Mayada. (e-Hag Edit: Hi!) That's electronic fag hag for those not down with the lingo.

Which brings us to my first assignment for you folks: Get yourself an e-Hag. Trust me boys, these girls are just as essential in game as they are irl. To help facilitate the acquisition of your very own e-Hag, I'll share with you the following important selection criteria.
  • Must be the undisputed gossip queen of the guild.
    (e-Hag Edit: Check!)
  • Must have enough gold to finance your raid consumables.
    (I thought that was your Sugar Daddy?)
  • Should be getting laid less than you. (Only true for another week.)
  • Actively attempts to determine the true orientation of possibly closeted guild members. (Oh, btw.. still working on you know who.)
While y'all get your search on I'm gonna crack the whip and get Maya to make this shit look pretty.

(e-Hag edit: Yea, Dorn. How do you like my "useless" degree now, eh?)

1 comment:

  1. Hey Dornilust,

    I'm building an index of WoW information and I've recently added a link to WoW... There Are Homos Here. The 'Listing' has a link, summary, user rating, as well as spaces for full description and images which are available to website owners.

    The initial rating is a default and doesn't reflect any actual review of the site.

    You can see a search page of your listings here to get an idea of how the site works:

    Forums are now open and have threads for posting additional link requests for new content, or changes and error fixes in existing listings. You can also email me personally if you have new content you would like listed. Feel free to make my email available to staff but direct users to the forums please.

    Though WoW-j has a large and useful amount of information already, it is still young and growing daily. It's future is very much open to discussion or suggestion and any feedback is really appreciated.

    Good Luck and Thanks,
    Rich 'Lasitus'