Saturday, March 6, 2010

Just got this one upgrade and I've been wanting it for a REALLY long time...

I really can't decide how I feel about this. I'm also pretty sure any joke I attempt to make will simply not hold a candle to the following clip. In short, I'm speechless...and that doesn't happen often. I'll just let y'all watch...PLEASE get back to me with thoughts on this one...

Needless to say they fuck like rabbits after the edit...50 points if you can guess the bottom :)

Thursday, March 4, 2010

I gotta find some red crocs.

As I sit here in my big gay neck brace of doom with what seems like countless hours of free time, I pine for the days of yore. I think about all the fun times I had while raiding, rep grinding, trolling trade (or even guild) chat and taking the time to make sure that Billy John Redneck got a good dose of New York fag humor which was woefully missing from his sad existence in East Jesus, West Virginia. I remember looking forward to raid nights the way a young boy would look forward to Christmas morning, eagerly hoping that Santa left the My Little Pony Ponyville Sweetie Belle's Gumball House Playset he simply couldn't live another day without. I recall with fondness those nights when after having one too many to drink at the bar, I'd come home to ride circles in Dalaran while being the drunk queen on vent...eventually landing in some guild run which would usually degenerate into nonstop fits of laughter (in my case giggling) as guildies slowly pried the details of my evening on the town out of my Bacardi Razz soaked brain.

While having all this free time at the moment it's easy for me to rationalize re-installing WoW and getting back into the grind. But then I remember that I'll be back to work in a week or two...and that I was never able to take the words of St. Thomas Aquinas to heart; everything in moderation. Plus I gotta have enough time for this guy:

Monday, March 1, 2010

And the Dornie goes to...

Well kids, it's that time of year again. The time when we take a look at the cinematic accomplishments of the year before and honor the best of the best. There are many different organizations and/or entities that hand these out, but none are more prestigious, impartial, or just plain old fun than....The Dornies.

In an effort the allow you, the readers, to participate in selecting the winners of this resume enhancing award I'm going to put one of the categories up for a vote. Take a look at the nominees and shoot me an email ( with your favorite. I'll tally the 1 or 2 responses I get and let you know who the winner is!

The 2009 Dornie nominees in the category of "Best actor in a film which the only reason I saw was for the off chance he gets naked/shirtless." are:

Chris Evans in "Push"

Mr. Evans plays Nick Gant, an American ex-pat living in Hong Kong who by using the powers of his mind can move things (like my penis). Unfortunately we see more skin from 15 year old Dakota Fanning. The role however was monumental for my increased appreciation of the "2 day scruff" look.

Shia LaBeouf in "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen"

Mr. TheBeef reprises his roll of Sam Witwicky in this sequel to the 2007 blockbuster (for which he was also nominated in this category). Shia runs around with robots trying to destroy other robots while managing to look absolutely fabulous. Robots weren't the only thing transforming in this movie, Shia's body is much harder looking this time around...which managed to have a transformative effect on my penis.

Channing Tatum in "G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra"

Channing plays Duke, a "smarter, stronger and hotter than your average army dude" army dude. When he fucks up the mission he's assigned to, the elite G.I. Joe unit saves his ass. Duke then cons his way into training with them to become a "Joe" himself. I forget the rest of the plot as this is about the time he decides to take his shirt off...making the bad guys not the only cobra rising. We're also lucky enough to get a twofer in this movie with the brief screen appearance of Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

Taylor Lautner in "The Twilight Saga: New Moon"

First off: I don't care who you are... that's a hot picture, air brushed or not. In fact I'm (almost) not ashamed to say I own a mouse pad with this picture. Anyway...TayTay plays Jacob Black in this sequel to the movie about the book series about the gayest vampires ever. I have no idea who directed this fine cinematic masterpiece but he's obviously a big 'mo and had the presence of mind to have Taylor strip his shirt off approximately 12 minutes and 43 seconds into the film (shut up, you took a stop watch with you too) and had him keep it off pretty much for the duration. This decision played well with the "flaming homosexual" and "horny old housewife" demographic who have made Taylor's "performance" a front runner for this year's Dornie. This is where I'm supposed to make an erection joke to keep with the continuity established in the 3 previous nominations. Unfortunately, the fact that Taylor was underage at the time of filming (and amendments to the restraining order) prevent me from making said "joke."

Well there you have them. Like a good Republican remember to vote early and often!

Saturday, February 27, 2010

This thing still on? this thing kind of went the way of the dodo bird. Sorry. A lot has happened in the 8 months since I posted. Here's a quick recap:
  • I quit playing Warcraft.
  • I started playing Warcraft again.
  • I ate a delicious sandwich.
  • I quit playing Warcraft.
  • I had a C6-7 anterior cervical discectomy fusion with allograft and plating.
  • I'm in a neck brace and no working or driving for the next month or so.
While I sit here in the gayest neck brace ever (broke out the Bedazzler on this bitch) I've decided to wipe the dust off and blog again. I know what you're thinking: "But Dorn, you don't play WoW anymore. What the fuck are you gonna talk about?" In a word? Faggotry. It's all around us. It permeates us (the bottoms anyway) and I've realized that this is the one forum where I can speak what's truly on my mind and not feel ashamed or embarrassed for lending voice to thought. And what was SOOOO gay that it pulled me out of retirement? Why, male figure skating of course!

If anyone was looking for Tinkerbelle Feb 16-18 you could have found her easily in Vancouver. She was a little busy shitting all over the competitor's costumes, but she was there. I love pink. I love sweater vests. I love the pattern on this particular pink sweater vest. But this is where I depart from the homo party line: I hate glitter....and I don't mean the Mariah Carey movie. Unfortunately it's "in" at the moment and I was forced to suffer (until now) in silence. Lately whenever someone tries to tell me that male figure skaters aren't giant mo's, I point to this picture of Michal Brezina of the Czech Republic in all his glittery, pinkish, sweater vesty glory. He even has his mouth open as if anticipating...something.

It doesn't end here. This is by no means a rogue example. Behold, Evan Lysacek, winner of the gold medal:
Snakes? Really? If I were a "straight" man engaged in a sport that required form fitting clothing, leaps, twirls, glitter, music, an artistic score, spirit fingers and even more glitter I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have 2 dildoesque snakes sewn around my body. Just sayin. And what exactly is that shoulder situation? Everyone knows the gays do fun shoulders!

Sunday, June 21, 2009

I'm a lazy queen Dorn...educate me please!

Well it's that time again...there's a new major content patch on the PTRs. For those lazy bitches that don't like to read patch notes, I'll point out the homocentric changes for you:

Northrend Children's Week has arrived in Dalaran! Players can find out more by visiting the Eventide District.

  • That's right! Time to stock up on candy and clean out the van...we get to corrupt the youngins again.

Chains of Ice: Now reduces movement by 95% instead of 100%.
  • Only 5% less gay than the old version. Think Elton John instead of Richard Simmons.
Ominous Clouds in the Yogg-Saron encounter are now more vocal about touching players.

Look for another edition of Dorn's Big Gay Mailbox sometime mid week. There's still time to submit your questions! Ask anything and everything...send to

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Be there or be...straight.

I'm not usually a "pride parade" kind of homo...but this sounds like a lot of fun! I'm gonna roll an alt horde side on Proudmoore and join in the festivities. Who else is gonna join me?

From Bigheadben on the forums:

If you make an alt on Proudmoore to participate on the morning of Saturday June 20th, look for KRIMON on hordeside for an invite to our guest guild (Tainter for Today) . Hope to see tons of guests and happy pride month to all!

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Whatever you do, don't look him in the eyes!

Like a lot of raiding guilds recently, we've filled in our raid roster with 4 or 5 new recruits. New guildies are excellent cannon fodder to try out your new material on. Nothing is quite as satisfying as verbally shitting all over them the first time they make a "That was so gay!" slip in guild chat. It's become sort of a rite of passage in my guild...Dorn makes you as uncomfortable as possible for a little bit, then you move on with life.

Yes, it was quite the good time. I say was because the officers have taken it upon themselves to "warn" people about me during their interview. Like I'm the fucking creepy uncle that mommy won't leave you alone with after 3 wine spritzers at Christmas. Like I'm going to reach through the internets and play with their joystick against their will. Like they better keep thinking of vag while around me or my aura will turn them fag. Like you better not be in a vent channel alone with me cause chances are I'm playing with myself while you talk about the loot on your wish list. maybe that last one has some truth in it. Nevertheless, I kind of wish I didn't come attached with a warning. I guess it just means I'm going to have to work harder to attain shock value. Any suggestions?