Sunday, April 12, 2009

Around the world in 90 days.

Originally I had planned on posting the YMCA pic for the cheap lulz, wishing a Happy Easter, and calling it a day on the blog front. But then I got to thinking, "That's not really fair for the non Christians." They came here to get my witty pearls of awesomeness and I have the fucking nerve to tell them that my Lord and Savior rose from the dead and there will be no real post. Fuck that. (Plus I can't offend my Jewish gay boys, my favorite subsection of the gay community...ask me if you really want to know why) we go. For those whom Easter does not apply to, we now continue with our regularly scheduled faggotry.

Well I think that the last two posts cleared out the Jesus freaks and annoying women, so it's time we gays had a chat. We need a WoW representative, a lobbyist if you will, to advance our agenda and promote our cause. I have a pretty good handle on the Scarlet Crusade realm but that's just one server. We need someone with ears on the ground (and ass in the air) on all of the realms. So I went on a mission. I visited each of the Horde faction leaders in search of a champion for our way of e-life.

First st
op: Thunder Bluff to visit Cairn Bloodhoof. I don't think we're gonna find what we're looking for here. I'm not ruling out the possibility that he's gay, but he's clearly a goddamn hippie. No one is gonna take a guy with feathers in his hair seriously about the plight of a minority . Last time someone tried that all the Indians ended up on a fuckin reservation. Who walks around with their log in their hand anyway? (don't answer that) Yeah, I'm gonna make an executive decision and move along to our next candidate.

Second stop: Undercity for afternoon tea with Sylvannas. I like our possibilities here. Classy yet menacing. Skulls on her shoulders but not afraid to show her belly button. She's wearing her underwear outside her pants which is slightly disturbing...but I'm not gonna be lookin down there too much anyway. As convincing as the weapons, hardware, and hat are (lesbians always wear hats) I don't see any cats. But the biggest strike is her choice of foot ware. No Birkenstocks. That fact makes our choice for us. She's str8. Clearly into some very kinky fucked up shit, but definitely str8. Grats breeders...she's all yours. (but the tea was tasty)

Third Stop: Orgrimmar to see the Warchief himself. I'm pretty sure this is gonna be a waste of time though. We all remember his little love scene in CoT: Durnholde with that little chickie. This day and age however it can't necessarily exclude him from batting for the pink team. I can't tell you how many times I've been hit on at the gay bar by guys with a wedding band tan on their ring finger. Fuck it's creepy. So we'll give Thrall the good once over and let our gaydar do it's thing.

Hmm. The flames made a few blips on the gaydar...but that's about it. I'm not even gonna bring up the subject with him. This is a hate crime waiting to happen. Time to gtfo....but as I turned around I saw this guy:

"Excuse me sir, are you a faction leader?" I asked. "Yea mon!" I got in reply. A twofer! That's pretty cool cause by this point my feet are killin me. I don't even know this guy's name but it hardly matters. This dude is stoned out of his fucking gourd. I can't understand half the shit he's saying to me. He'd never make a good impression to those that matter. Plus after thinking about it a little more, there's no way he's gay...and even if he is, he's the type that won't get you off after you take care of him. How is he gonna blow a dude with those tusks? How can you expect to get a good reach around from a dude with 3 fingers? Ain't gonna happen.

Well we only have one more shot at this...I'm starting to think this whole thing was a waste of time. None of these faction leaders are presentable enough to trumpet our cause let alone gay themselves as well. Anyway, off we go to our Fourth Stop: Silvermoon City.
Christ. I shoulda just started here and saved the wear and tear on my new shoes.


  1. Haha! The search for the faction leader fag, is ANYONE surprised it ended up being a Belf? ~_^

  2. Hi-fucking-larious. Keep this blogging a' rollin'.