Friday, May 22, 2009

Faggoty traits per second.

Time to reach into Dorn's Big Gay Mailbox and see what we come up with.

Hey Loverboy,
I want you to take off all of your clothes. Next, cover every square inch of your body with baby oil. Now slowly caress your chest and work your way down to your huge, hard, throbbing co...

Err...whoops...that one wasn't meant for y'all.

*reaches back into Big Gay Mailbox*

Dear Dorn,
I've been in my guild for almost a year now and still haven't found the courage to come out of the closet. I really want to be as open and flamboyant in guild chat as you are but am afraid of people not reacting well to it. It's not that I'm afraid of getting a beat down or anything (although that would be bad, lol) I just really like my guild and I don't want them to think different of me. I'm not really sure what to do. I guess my question is do you have any tips or suggestions to ease into the coming out process?

Keep up the good work!
Closet Fag

Well CF, in short my suggestion is to treat it like sex...don't ease in. Just ram your "homosexuality" down their throats and pray for the best. You will get an excellent reading on who your friends really are and who the haters are that you need to watch out for. As for the "beat down" component, I'm going to let you in on a little secret of mine. You need to get yourself HomOmen, the threat of hate crime meter:

This fabulous addon turns on automatically and begins tracking threat when you enter the aggro radius of any hater. It monitors all chat screens you have access to and you can download separate modules to enable tracking of vent and guild forums as well. As you can see I constantly run just under the threshold (hate crime pull is at 110% if hater lives in your state) and this baby has saved me from many a "I fell down the stairs" trip to the emergency room.

Hang in there CF and stay strong...I believe in you. If things don't work out in your guild stop on over and apply to ours! We're always looking for more fun people :)

That's all for today...keep it frosty kids...and remember to send your questions to me at


  1. HAHAHAHA!!!! I <3 the HomOmen idea!!!

    Anytime i join a new guild (which is very infrequent) everyone on vent always pose the question; "are you gay"? So I just tell 'em yes and if they want healz they'd better not care. Although, PoH, CoH, and PoM are difficult spells to use and not heal the person you hope dies. Oh well.... I still top healing meters!

    Then I follow it up with the story of why I'm gay.

    I was seven years old, and playing in the back yard with my 6 year old friend, Alicia. I am currently in nursing school and even back then i had an interest in human physiology. I was very curious to know how a girl pee'd. I understood they did not have a traditional penis and sat down to pee. So I assumed it came out of their butt when they squatted. Alicia and I go to the back yard and I watch her pee. I am obviously very shocked to see how wrong i was. I ask to see how it works and she well... u know... spreads her shit apart and OMG OMG OMG!! AAAAH!!! the horror!!! The Horror!! TOO MUCH CLITTY LITTER!!!!!! I guess that's what happens when u have new underwear and dont change them.

    One time my ex-bf was riding/grinding (not penetration) my d*ck and when he moved off of it there was black cloth fuzzies on my c*ck. It really reminded me of that time oh so long ago with Alicia. While i played it off cool, I secretly freaked out in my own head.

  2. Oh btw... if it matters to anyone. There's a great new song out called Silly Boy by rihanna that was leaked from her new/upcoming album. Its supposed to feature Lady Gaga, but Lady Gaga has denied the duet, i heard.

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