Monday, March 1, 2010

And the Dornie goes to...

Well kids, it's that time of year again. The time when we take a look at the cinematic accomplishments of the year before and honor the best of the best. There are many different organizations and/or entities that hand these out, but none are more prestigious, impartial, or just plain old fun than....The Dornies.

In an effort the allow you, the readers, to participate in selecting the winners of this resume enhancing award I'm going to put one of the categories up for a vote. Take a look at the nominees and shoot me an email ( with your favorite. I'll tally the 1 or 2 responses I get and let you know who the winner is!

The 2009 Dornie nominees in the category of "Best actor in a film which the only reason I saw was for the off chance he gets naked/shirtless." are:

Chris Evans in "Push"

Mr. Evans plays Nick Gant, an American ex-pat living in Hong Kong who by using the powers of his mind can move things (like my penis). Unfortunately we see more skin from 15 year old Dakota Fanning. The role however was monumental for my increased appreciation of the "2 day scruff" look.

Shia LaBeouf in "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen"

Mr. TheBeef reprises his roll of Sam Witwicky in this sequel to the 2007 blockbuster (for which he was also nominated in this category). Shia runs around with robots trying to destroy other robots while managing to look absolutely fabulous. Robots weren't the only thing transforming in this movie, Shia's body is much harder looking this time around...which managed to have a transformative effect on my penis.

Channing Tatum in "G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra"

Channing plays Duke, a "smarter, stronger and hotter than your average army dude" army dude. When he fucks up the mission he's assigned to, the elite G.I. Joe unit saves his ass. Duke then cons his way into training with them to become a "Joe" himself. I forget the rest of the plot as this is about the time he decides to take his shirt off...making the bad guys not the only cobra rising. We're also lucky enough to get a twofer in this movie with the brief screen appearance of Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

Taylor Lautner in "The Twilight Saga: New Moon"

First off: I don't care who you are... that's a hot picture, air brushed or not. In fact I'm (almost) not ashamed to say I own a mouse pad with this picture. Anyway...TayTay plays Jacob Black in this sequel to the movie about the book series about the gayest vampires ever. I have no idea who directed this fine cinematic masterpiece but he's obviously a big 'mo and had the presence of mind to have Taylor strip his shirt off approximately 12 minutes and 43 seconds into the film (shut up, you took a stop watch with you too) and had him keep it off pretty much for the duration. This decision played well with the "flaming homosexual" and "horny old housewife" demographic who have made Taylor's "performance" a front runner for this year's Dornie. This is where I'm supposed to make an erection joke to keep with the continuity established in the 3 previous nominations. Unfortunately, the fact that Taylor was underage at the time of filming (and amendments to the restraining order) prevent me from making said "joke."

Well there you have them. Like a good Republican remember to vote early and often!


  1. Don't judge me but *looks around* I haven't seen Avatar yet *ducks*

  2. If you like 'em tall and lean and aren't bothered by blue or tails, it's a visual treat.