Sunday, June 7, 2009

Whatever you do, don't look him in the eyes!

Like a lot of raiding guilds recently, we've filled in our raid roster with 4 or 5 new recruits. New guildies are excellent cannon fodder to try out your new material on. Nothing is quite as satisfying as verbally shitting all over them the first time they make a "That was so gay!" slip in guild chat. It's become sort of a rite of passage in my guild...Dorn makes you as uncomfortable as possible for a little bit, then you move on with life.

Yes, it was quite the good time. I say was because the officers have taken it upon themselves to "warn" people about me during their interview. Like I'm the fucking creepy uncle that mommy won't leave you alone with after 3 wine spritzers at Christmas. Like I'm going to reach through the internets and play with their joystick against their will. Like they better keep thinking of vag while around me or my aura will turn them fag. Like you better not be in a vent channel alone with me cause chances are I'm playing with myself while you talk about the loot on your wish list. maybe that last one has some truth in it. Nevertheless, I kind of wish I didn't come attached with a warning. I guess it just means I'm going to have to work harder to attain shock value. Any suggestions?


  1. You need to tell really really really gay stories in Vent like I do! OMG! It most certainly weeds out the losers.

    1. First time I ever gave a blowjob
    2. First time I ever saw pussy- hence why i'm gay.
    3. Most recent boyfriend and his huge dick
    4. First time I ever had a guy spit instead of swallow and my shock.
    5. Tell people in vent they're voice turns you on.
    6. Describe how much porn you watch and then how one time you "stumbled" upon a "pig-porn" and saw not only a guy get fisted but they also poured motor oil up his assehole with a funnel.
    7. Describe the first time you ever watched gay porn.
    8. Talk about how you walked out in the park on a hot summer day and omg omg omg allllll these hot shirtless dudes were out and about and you couldnt help but just drool, but thankfully your fag hag was there to tell you are a CHOMO, bringing you to the realization that, oh... maybe they're not 18 yet... dammit.
    9. Do a Z-snap with vent open and go, OH NO U DIDNT, MARY!!
    10. Tell some loser they've got a stick up their ass and that's unusual since usually i'm the one trying to put fallac shaped objects up there.

  2. Awesome comment is awesome!

  3. Talk about how you met this girl today...

    that'll shock them all.

  4. We don't warn about you specifically anymore, we just mention that we are homo-friendly.

  5. @ swipe #6 got me a little excited...and #8 is SO TRUE

    @ party Believe it or not girls hit on me all the damn time >.< I have to beat the womens off with a stick.

  6. If you had another out-of-the-closet gay person in the guild, you two could team up with all sorts of awesome material.

    Now if only you could convince this certain closet homo in our guild to come out.